As you've probably already guessed.


Oh yeah, she has shifted. Get livejournal, bitches. Facebook too while you're at it so you can see my pretty and awesome pictures haha. I'll still keep this blog as it is, I suppose. And maybe even drop in an entry every once in a while. In the mean time though, I feel the need to restrict.

Love,
Huda

Cars on a cable


Stolen from slasherflick's blog..

"Actual Happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the over-compensations for misery. And, of course, stability isn't nearly as spectacular as instability. And being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt. Happiness is never grand"-Aldous Huxley

Exactly what I mean by "trainwreck appeal". There's beauty in wreckage. *Wreck of the Day plays in the background;her live set btw is AMAZINGGG* It's undeniable. No, not sick. Just different. You know what they say, you shun what you dont understand.

Wow. I'm stunned by that quote. In complete awe. Almost like when I realised how pretty East Coast can get sometime last week. Says everything, doesn't it?

Pretty East Coast.

Why see. I told you. And that wasn't a lame spinoff/weak attempt at trying to be all "let's-do-panoramic(sortof)-views-today".

Also, am faced with a shitload of things to think and ponder about. Using your friggin head weighing issues can't be all that bad sure. But my god. It's hell frustrating sometimes. Most of the time when nothing's a certainty and yet you somehow feel that sense of obligation towards... god knows who/what really. Man, I'm Confused Chick right now.

Been battling it out. All out. Pride? That needs to be chucked COMPLETELY aside right now. It'll be humbling, you can bet on that. But a lesson I need to learn, I think. We'll see. Besides, the eternal optimist has gotta stay true to her name. She tries to. Her darnest.

But the whole idea of THAT.. Well I can't help but break a smile. Key word being "idea", but it's alright cos Patience is indeed, a virtue. And each time I venture ANYWHERE near thinking of absolute crap, in this area at least, I'll think of that song, and continue believing.

Blogger's note: Hi, the dirt (like dirtiest of all dirt) is all in elllljayyyy. Yes, unfortunately for you loyal readers, I've decided to join the army of "I-need-my-privacy-so-I'm-controlling-readership" folks. So try your luck and get one already, damn it. Like Najib, Mudd and Clara. Awwh, they boulder. Not rock. BOULDER.

So I will just let go; let you turn me inside out

And so the truth spits out


Since all this is totally, completely 100% public, this will have to do. (: Awwh. L.A.W kicks ass. And I feel bad sometimes. But then I know I shouldn't. Cos everything happens for a reason. That each ship sails its own individual route and if it's over and done with, then so be it.

Somehow, I don't think there's a way to salvage it. Unless you start acting more human. Whatever. I couldnt care less. Since the day I realised how much it's all worth.

Loyalties tested. And I made the stand.

Perhaps it all started from that, or not. But I've suddenly been feeling all "private" and shushed. Oh trust me, I've been updating, just on the other more PERSONAL one. Too bad suckers. It's locked and unfortunately, I customize my groups so even if you're my ljfriend, it doesnt mean you automatically get to read.

Since when the secrecy? Well, darlings, what I've to say is exclusive. So. Hahah. Anyway, it's largely because there's too much too little people know. So. And sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm no blonde who's gna type EVERYTHING out here. You know how some people do the dumbest of things on their open, like open Bianca of Othello kinda open for all, blog. Honestly. Too weird.

I think. It's only a matter of time before I shift permanently to lj. But but. I like this one here. ): How now. Main thing, go get an lj. Who knows. I may just invite you to my exclusive group. HAHAH. No but really. I love the whole, "I can control readership" thing. Brilliant.

One psycho night..


Because I decided to be different that one night. Oh. Ronald's so hot. Not to mention sexy French Men who talked to ME yes ME at 350AM. Wow. Super omgomgomg moment right there. Hehe. And just for the record, I was looking pretty crappy. HAH. I KNOWWW. TOO COOL.

Anyway, I'll just have you know that it makes me sad sometimes. I mean sure, as it is, it's pretty cool. But it makes me sad cos I don't think you'll ever know a connection of PROPER depths. Then again, ignorance is bliss. So. But heck, what about your principles?! Do you even have any!?

Right now, over at Aniszah's. And she's fast asleep that silly girl. Gosh, you've no idea how much I missed you idiot! I better turn in now. Sleeping never felt so good, like man, what luxury. LOL.



Cos I'm a show off like that. And okay. Narcissistic, fine. Hearts you many many. Come folks, let's meet up. You know who you are. Sending all my love out to those who deserve it, hah what a bitchy thing to say eh?


I'm done looking.

Life is a bitch.
Because if it were a slut,
it'd be easy.

I've got plenty to say initially. Then Facebook distracted me, and I realise that I'm suddenly out of words. Or maybe I just don't wish to say it here anymore. I'm REALLY considering permanently shifting to LJ cos it makes life so much easier. I mean, whatever's not here's there.

Anyway, what's going on in this head of mine is... undescribable? Ok. It's 458AM. I'm tired. My eyes are shutting. Have a good one all and I promise a better entry the next one.

Special caffeine and special songs

First it was Never Ever. Then it was Buses and Trains. (:

All's good over here. And really now. Everything connects.

I think God can explain

Before I go off on a hiatus since I do need to buckle myself down and get really muggy-serious, here's bigggggggg treat. An all-in-one slide to boot! Pictures from Scott's birthday outing at Escape, the sleepover, to rocking days in school, Gelare goodness with Joyce and Marian and random shots of classmates and the sort.

Friday night's Lit lecture was amazing, as is the case with all Lit lectures. (: Hilarious how everything relates. Simply hilarious. Oh before that, Faith (Claudia's friend) came on down to SR so they could give a birthday surprise to Fang Han. Then, she ran with me! OMG. 4K in 25 minutes. SHE IS SO GOOD AT PUSHING YOU. Like for the better, cos wow. Highly motivating and stuff. (: Trains the mental strength. Felt like some kinda Super Girl after the run. Invincible babeh.

Had a lift to Parkway from Joyce's friend. Joyce. Howww. Gah. I need some -. Met Tabby's fam too, cos they picked her up for Scott's birthday dinner. And Tabby, be GOOD now. Yeah, I'm crazy jealous. (Read my edited profile babe! HAHAH.)

Hot rendezvous with Rachel Sexy See Friday night post night Lit lecture. :D I love this girl. A LOT A LOT. It was so awesome just talking to her, having the whole of Parkway to our stupid selfish selves, camwhoring like madddd, laughing my guts out and bursting into spurts of giggles cos we just can't help it. I swear, Starbucks is the place to just TALK. Ok, shall add Gelare to that list too and of course, Raimah's and the airport.

OH! Cut my hair! And I hated it at first till I kinda semi scolded the hair dresser till I got a four dollar discount. Damn girl. You're good. (OMG AUNTY. I told you to TRIM my hair and I showed you exactly how much! And layer it a little. NOT SHAVE OFF HALF MY HEAD!) But everyone thinks otherwise. Haha, so okay it's neater and my ponytail has a better shape but but but! My curls!!!!! ): Sigh. Change is the only constant. Yes. It is.

Okay. Till next time then.

Love, Huda.

So slide along slide, yeah baby that's right

13/9/2007

"Today's a funny day" I said. "Yeah. Today's a REALLY funny day" replied Joyce at the Siglap bus stop.

---

And what do you know. Today's a funny day too. By funny I don't mean funny hahah joke funny, you moron. But really. The past few days have been plain WEIRD, for lack of a better adjective.

Like how there's this crazy mix of good and bad and shit like that. Kinda overwhelms you actually. But then you learn to take it all in your stride. Let it slide, let it slide. It could've been worse.. No sorry, there are things which are of more pertinence and significance.

It's amazing how things work out. It really truly is. I'm really glad for last night cos it affected me too, in more ways that you could ever think of actually. So 'thank you' to you too. Gave me light. (HAH. Pun super not intended Najib!)

And speaking of Najib, got to see him ytd by accident! (: The boy was working you see. Hahah, friends thought you were so much older than you are!

Did Gelare after school with Joyce and Marian. And that's where things got weirdER. It was already pretty strange in school. Anyway, Siglap was like the whole place was filled with depressed people or something. The coming together of something bleak. Deciding whether that remark was genuinely funny or not. I think not.

Hi you. I'm glad we got to talk the way we did. It opened my eyes too, not only yours. So cheers to more heart to hearts, alright, babe? (:

Regardless of the crappy things that happen throughout the course of the day, the way the day ended in itself made it all alright. The end matters. A whole lot.

I love love love my friends. Cos they're awesome. No doubt scandalous, but eh, that I can deal with. I know of other character traits I can't, but I'm learning to let go. You can't say it's impossible to do the things you've done before. (It's disgustingly tempting to add some snide remark here btw. I KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT YOU.)

PICCAS:

Marian Fernandez the Bimbo of A1

Because candids are goodddd

Everyone loves push pops.

---


And so the fasting month begins and I feel like I'm on to something good. I don't know why, but I just do.

Fix this jigsaw

When the whole family is in front of the tv watching something from Nat Geo/Discovery, half the time, we'll all be gawking at the screen with tons of expressions of pure shock. It's amusing really. Cos I'm at the com now,duh, and to hear them all, one after the other, man. It's too intriguing, you can't help, but want to take a peek at the screen too. Hahah. We'll all be incredibly amazed at the Crocodile or Snake or whatever. Heh. My family's.. pretty weird, I gotta admit.

There's been lots of meet ups with people I dont usually get to see all that often. Much love going out to Mud, Mariam, Rachel and Scott and Co. (: Najib. Where are you?!

Let's see. There was Starbugggsss with Mariam that one day. Coffee with this Bitch is always good. Ho ho ho to Ms Big Ass. LMAO.

It's always good to keep in check with those crazy emotions. Especially if you've got people to pour everythin out to and whine and bitch and moan to. I think if I were to tape each coffee session with her and play it back, I'd cringe and cringe and CRINGE over the things I say. Yes, I'd say Normal Huda would've laughed and poked fun at the girl talking. Dont you think so, Cow? LOL. But all's cool now. I think everything's in check. Yes. In check.

Dinner-ed later with Mudd. Love the company with you all la. *blows kisses

Then there was Kopitiam and studying with Rachel Sexy See. Goodness. When was the last time we properly met up, huh idiot! I've professed my love for you already, but it'll never be enough. You're unlike any other babe. (:

Not forgetting Scott's birthday celebration at Escape. Ok, more like birthday celebration turned sleepover, lol. That mighty kicked ass too. Though the part where Scott and I got jealous wasn't. Haha. All your fault, Tabby. It's ALL YOUR fault.

It was a great day cos we are one cool bunch, if you don't already know, hahah. Sarah's officially my camwhore partner. Hah. And the Log ride? It practices gender discrimination cos the guys ALWAYS end up soaked through and through whether they're seated at the back or front! LOL.

Here's a couple of eyecandies HAHAHA..

There's more pictures actually. Cos Tabitha's lousy like that. Will make a slideshow when I get hold of them all. Ooh! Teacher's Day dinner! If you've got Facebook, you could've viewed them a long LONG time ago, cos it's THAT easy to upload. Megaquick. Moral of the story? Simple. GET. FACEBOOK. :D

1A01, dear rocking class, brought out our teachers to Sakura International Buffet Restaurant (quite a mouthful, pun intended) Monday night and boy, was it great. :D I know you're reading this you sneaky teachers. So send us the photos soon! Heh.

Of those that I've got..

(Note: Click the speaker for the background sound! I'm so considerate.)

Post dinner was spent with James, Shawn, Joyce and Tabby at The Balcony chilling on lovely sofas. Weird music, but okay la. Nice company. (:

More classmate (specifically, Limwoan, Fiona, Clauds and Shawn) time spent at the airport on Friday supposedly for our Econs Alive Project research thingy. But whoa. Didn't we all get to know each other A LOT better by the end of the night, eh? ;D Everything that's mentioned stays at the airport or okay, so it can fly off along with Catchay Pacific, British Airways or SIA too. HAHA.

***

Kieffy's greedy. We got her this new brand of cat food, since it's rather expensive we mix a bit of it with her usual food and she keeps on eating it at this crazy speed! HAHA. Think this is the same amusement the teachers were referring to when they saw us go at the buffet, hahah.

I need to go bathe now. Can't believe it'll be the fasting month SO SOON! I've not even paid back! Gah. But no. Hello, weight loss scheme!



Drying up in conversation,
you will be the one who cannot talk.
All your insides fall to pieces,
you just sit there wishing you could still make love.
They're the ones who'll hate you when you think you've got the world all sussed out
They're the ones who'll spit at you.
You will be the one screaming out.


See Mudd. This song's stuck in my head.

I'll remain my peace cos you're not worth it

Now you, need a personality revamp. Cos you're stooping so low, it's ridiculous. You think I dont know, but I do. But gee, I pity you still. It's pathetic. It's low. You're low. Funny how things go about. Know that it all takes time, and retribution? Remember that? It'll hit you right back, twice over hopefully. Wishing you the worst isn't graceful, I'll admit. But your actions speak louder than my words. You proved what sort of person you are by what you did. I'll rest my case here, cos even with this paragraph alone, it's starting to ruin my mood. Even if it does go your way, you know it won't last.

You've got no conscience and that struck me pretty hard.

Rundown

Friday was great. I mean, yeah, so I did get snub, EARLY IN THE MORNING, by some jerk, but that's okay. Kenneth was surprisingly pretty concerned! Was kinda touched okay. Hahah. (:

It was good, cos the Teachers' Day Concert was not bad! Plus, 20th's first ever big event, so big yay there, too. And! I got to sit with Patson, Fiona, Claudia so hah! See, Limwoan and Tabby. It was still fun WITHOUT you two!

After school stuff, headed back to Cedar, and whoa. Really missed the Cedarians! Awh man, those idiots (yes, a term of affection, indeed) I've not seen in eons! Goodness gracious me. It was really great to see everyone again. And that familiar building and all. Gosh, I kissed the wall along the Art rooms, HAHAH. It's called overwhelmed with nostalgia. Shut up, you cold cold person.

After various attempts to get hold of Mrs Chew, a bunch of us, headed over to PP Macs (our good ol' place to head over back then for it's convenience) and had a catching up sesion. Didnt quite realise how much I've missed 4C!

Leo and I went over to Preeti's for facial. Her mother was really good and so incredibly therapeutic. Well, after 8 years, you're bound to get good, yeah? The ambiance was simple but it did the trick. The music playing at the background really nailed it. Loved it. Shall be going back for regular sessions, yes Leo? Hahah.

Met up with Mudd and Anthony later that night at Starbucks. Siglap's as usual. Hahah, good to see you boys after so long! It was real good hanging out with you two. Did Masayu's for late dinner and Anthony very kindly semi-treated me!

Saturday. Went back to school to complete the rounds thingy, initially planned on studying in school, but then I just had to be told of extremely shitifying news. So that ruined it all. I'll get back to this later.

Trooped over to Mudd's place instead to study/lunch/hang out with my two favourite boys in the world. Dont kembang already ah. I love how things can get so extremely comfortable between us three. Like okay for example. This one time, Mudd was at his laptop, I was reading Econs and Najib was sleeping. Or like, how Najib just did his own thing upstairs while Mud and I watched the Sweet Sixteen Movie on MTV, after lunch and my making a mess with the icing thingy, cos I was trying to be creative with his sister's rejected cupcakes and failed miserably.

It's like. Family. (: I know, you're all gna go, "Great, so here she goes turning into mush, yet again". But really.

So then, after that, had tuition (yes, me the no lifer, whatever) and that was that. Hahah, was supposed to go towning with them, but aye. Opportunity cost, recall! LOL.

Oh! Walking to Mudd's, along the hugeass longkang there, I saw two familiar looking people! Lyon and Siti! HAHA. So I walked over to the longkang railing thing, rested my head on my hand resting on the railing and cleared my throat. Whoa. They responded almost immediately! Apparently, I am that loud.

So then, we started conversing ACROSS the hugeass longkang. Conversing evolved to bitching and then, we just had to stop doing that over the longkang and meet up proper. HAHAH. Talkd for a couple of minutes where I basically ranted and ranted and ranted about the SHIT news that I found out. In a nutshell, of course. Long story short, that being whoa, I got it, and I got it bad.

Hah, so at the library cafe for tuition? GUESS WHO I MET. The two of them again. HAHAH. Too funny. I couldnt believe what I was seeing when I scanned the cafe for seats! This time around, they mentioned where they were going next and whoa. Hahah! Siglap! Which I kinda would've sorta been there. LOL.

Sunday, today. It was super mellow. Tution in the morning again, where ho ho ho. I met more people. Told you it's too happening.

I think. I should go sleep now. Dont miss me too much, now hokay? Hopefully tmr's dinner goes well!


Because you're great. Now I need one good one with Najib. That pic btw, Mudd, can still be improved, lol.

Smelling Betrayal and tasting Deceit

I had every intention to stay up all night tonight. For one, I've got stuff to do and second, it just felt like rushing wasn't the way to go and since sleep has been sacrificed on practically a daily basis, what's one full run without?

Must suck to be you. I cannot imagine being placed in such a position.

I am shocked, still. HAHAH. It's almost unbelievable that you can write sense! Dare I say with depths even; a glimpse of what maturity there is in there.

So I'm biased. Well that's simply human nature right?

I like phone calls. Did you know that? It's always in these calls from friends that you learn something new. Almost as if a short journey to some form of... enlightenment. And by that, I do not only mean the hot goss.

Flirting with the prospect of -

Hi all. School life has been increasingly fun, you cannot imagine. By fun, I mean drama. By drama, I mean typical American high school kinda drama. Sorta. I think it's true then. Their high school life, is sort of like our college life?

In any case, yesterday was highly emotional. I mean honestly, what's up with that?! Good grief. I never could have fathomed to be as stunned as I was. The situation was one, and my reaction to it was another thing. It was.. like a gentle reminder of what happened not too long ago. Okay, so maybe "gentle" isn't exactly the appropriate adjective here. More like "harsh".

But I suppose it is precisely these things that make it memorable, that make your school life memorable and man, the stories I'll have under my belt by the end of this 2 year stint. I ought to write a book and make millions simply by putting all I've heard/seen/gone through in this short period of time in pages and pages and pages of words!

I love my girlfriends. I really do. You guys have grown on me in such a way that's so different, special and oh so unique. Like hello, seriously. There are times where we can be so different, I really do begin to question how we're even friends! So here's my love to Claudia, Fiona, Limwoan and Tabitha. Say it damn it. Say I'm sweet.

You know what they say about JC friends. How it's close to impossible to get great friends seeing how there's simply too many things to juggle in too short a time to even foster good relationships with people. Wrong. So wrong.

If anything, it's got to do with the maturity level I think. And the fact that you've got the opportunity to break away from whatever fatal vicious cycle it was you were stuck in for thhose 4 years in secondary school. It's like, you're suddenly given the opporutnity to BREATHE in "new" air and free whatever it was that was holding you back, for some odd reason.

Alex has been a real babe too. (: I love ya girl! Council will NEVER be the same without you. Recall all tha running around hunting for the right shade of colour for those darn ribbons and stuff? Heh. And! The JC1 Student Forum went pretty well! Who would've thought eh? Focus Group was brilliant too. Our lovely principal happened to be especially awesome that day. Meant to be.

And this lot.. Xian Liang, Jaymond, Elisha, Yvonne, as well as Alex make staying back good fun. The Council Room's too funky for your shoes. No, but really. That room's really great. These days, there's been a lot of MLTR and BSB playing in the room! LOL.

1A1 and our karaoke break times. Hotel California and 25 Minutes. Woohoo. Love love!

Here's a couple of random school pictures.

And with that, I bid ya goodnight. And Mrs Tan, if you're reading this, I really do am beginning to like Econs - a lot. (: I guess you could call this pre teachers' day sucking up? LOL, no lah. Really.

Night all!

PS: Check out my Facebook profile! Link's on the right. It's really rather cool. Get one lah you silly coconuts.

Quick updates?

• Lit Lecture, 7-9 on Friday night. And I loved it. Lit lectures are the best.


• Supper with Joyce, Marian, Aisyah, Shawn, James, Patson, Limwoan, Claudia, Tabitha later and that was interesting too. (:


• Saturday. Spent half the time in the Council room sorting out those papers and whoa. Interesting to say the least, but man. Not as easy as it seems, sorting paper out.


• Some things happened which just made me go all dumb on the inside. Heh.


• Tuition, both yesterday and today. He's interesting. And the Cafe dude was so sweet. he got me a table when it was jam packed. Hah! There was this couple, or at least this guy and girl who were constantly flirting, aka "studying" and used two tables! Terrible!


• I had one helluva buttkickin conversation with Claudia today. (:

Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?

I think you do. Or at least you used to. Jerk.

Sorry, I can't help the way I feel. Or maybe I just don't wish to improve things. Time for you to show whatever you gotta. If not, then, okay. It's done. We're through.

I can't wait for school. I actually cannot wait for school. Wow. Some feat, this is.

This is why, this why, this is why we're hot. :D

I just need a good cry. I honestly do. There's no shoulder though, so what's the point.

"Insecurity is kind of a deep sense of being unsure about your place in the world, your value, symptoms include self consciousness, a tendency to be very self critical, easily hurt" -Joseph Nowinski (Nope, I dont know who he is either)

(Note: the following has been ripped off from the net)

What is insecurity?

Insecurity is:

• Feeling of not being "good enough'' to meet the challenge of a situation you face in life.
• Sense of helplessness in the face of problems, conflict, or concerns.
• Belief that one is inadequate or incompetent to handle life's challenges.
• Fear of being discovered as inadequate, ill fitted, or unsuited to meet responsibilities at home, school, or on the job.
• Sense of not fitting in, being "out of synch'' with those in your peer group.
• Perception that life is unpredictable with most of the expectations you have to meet not clearly understood.
• Sense of always climbing up a mountain, never being able to reach the top.
• Sense of lacking support or reinforcement where you live, work, or play.
• Results from a sense of being unaccepted, disapproved, or rejected.
• Inner turmoil coming from a lack of direction or bewilderment as to where you are going, what your goals are, and what responses are appropriate for events in life.

Insecure people may have:

• Been raised in a chaotic, unpredictable, or volatile environment in which they were kept off balance, on guard, or on edge.
• Experienced a major tragedy or loss in their lives and are having a difficult time in accepting this loss and adjusting to the ``change.''
• Experienced a major "failure'' in life (e.g., divorce, losing a job, bankruptcy, failure in school, losing a friend, lack of acceptance into social or civic groups, etc.) that led them to question their personal competency.
• A poorly developed self-concept with low self-esteem, lacking belief in their personal goodness, skills, or abilities.
• Never felt accepted by the "others'' in their life, so much so that they became chronically shy, retiring, and withdrawn in their interactions.
• Had an unrealistic list of rules and expectations prescribed by significant others in their life, rules they are striving to meet even in their current life.
• A poor body image, making them believe that others see them in a negative light. This makes them self-conscious, tense, and anxious in dealing with others.
• Never received enough positive reinforcement or feedback from others about their talents and abilities, leaving them unclear as to their skills.
• Been given very little direction, guidance, or discipline in their earlier lives leaving them unable to cope with the current pressures of life.
• Always felt overshadowed or overlooked due to the people in their lives who seemed to be more successful, smarter, prettier, more handsome, more athletic, higher achievers, getting much attention. This can foster doubt in an insecure person's ability to gain recognition for their successes, and can make them doubt their ability to achieve success.
  

What do chronically insecure people believe?

• I can never accomplish the task facing me!
• Everybody is looking at me, just waiting for me to make a fool of myself!
• I am a failure!
• I am ugly and awful to look at!
• I can never win. I am a loser.
• What is the sense of trying, I'll never get it right!
• No matter how hard I work to achieve, I never get any recognition!
• I am incompetent in everything.
• How could anybody ever say anything good about me?
• I failed them in the past; therefore, I am a failure today!
• Once a failure, always a failure!
• There is only one direction for me to go in this organization and that is down and out!
• No one could ever like, respect, or accept me!
• I don't deserve to be treated nicely!
• I don't fit in here or anywhere else for that matter!
• Everyone else looks so good, so together; I feel so out of it compared to them!
• I am an incomplete person and will always be that way!
• I am so afraid that no one will like me!
• Why would anyone care to hear what I say, how I feel, or what I think?
• People are just nice to you in order to use you and get something they want from you!
  

Insecurity and self-consciousness are the bi-products of fear. Eliminate the fear and you eliminate all three.

***

Now here comes the original stuff..

I think the older you get, the lamer you become. Replacing the "lamer you become" with "the trickier life becomes", gets pathetic sometimes. Hi, Euphemisms, thou art the simplest form of deceit.

I used to think that high expectations are fine. Okay no, wait. Before that. I hadn't a clue I secretly have ridiculously high expectations of everything (perhaps even everyone, or rather selective ones) till the day I got my O Levels results.

I'm beginning to comprehend now. Each and every little complexity that lies within, probably takes a lifetime (even that could be insufficient) to learn, but each little discovery certainly helps you no less. What sudden enlightenment, I know. Hey, you gotta have that strike of brilliance every once in a while, no?

"Don't be discouraged by a failure. It can be a positive experience. Failure is, in a sense, the highway to success, inasmuch as every discovery of what is false leads us to seek earnestly after what is true, and every fresh experience points out some form of error which we shall afterwards carefully avoid." - John Keats

An All-In-One

You know, to be complimented when you're in the library, looking like quite the crap in an oversized jacket, wearing a pair of converse sneakersm and face completely bare, feels so so good. :D

I've been enjoying and struggling like crazy with the same intensity. Okay, so maybe these past couple of days I've been taking things a little too lightly? But yeah.

NDP celebration in school. Okay that day, was a bit mad. Cos I went to school at nine, to do the walking experiment thing for Mr Bernard Tan, came slightly earlier, like 850? Met Shawn, Mai and Steph at the main gate, and shucks. The interview for the OCIP! So that was the something I knew I was forgetting but didnt quite know.

Headed over the track to meet Lionel and Leo. Goodness. It was just a terrible morning. And what timing. While lamenting on my bad fate that day, my phone made the sound it does when the batt's completely flat right before it auto shuts off. Perfect. Wow right. That happened, right after I was about to give up and let the bad things go its way. Talk about perfect timing.

Realised that I do have a bit of time, with this sudden spur of determination to NOT make it a bad day, I ran to the LT to check my venue for the interview, ran around Block A, then B, then A again. Got to the class, and OH MY GOSH. I CAN STILL MAKE IT.

Interview sailed smoothly, I say. (: Yesa. Third such interview this year now. If I dont ace this, I won't be a Happy Huda.

Did the walking thing, then headed back home. Mrs Esther Tan wasnt in school yet! So couldnt pass her the money. Didnt really wna pass the money indirectly, cos like I dont know. Money involved, you know? Not so much a matter of trust. More like a matter of being careful?

So then, headed back home. And I've a couple of hours before I head back to school to pass her the money, then head back home. And finally to school again, for the parade rehearsal and such. First round: bus, second round: papa, third round: cab.

I hope I said the Malay pledge without sounding weird or whatever. Been repeating the pledge over and over again over the weekend, trying to perfect the sounds and all. Bleh. Afifah stil made fun of me! You're a mean mean girl, you know that.

Thanksgiving Concert put up by our rockin teachers was nothing short of fab. (: I really enjoyed myself. Think we all did. The squeezing of the WHOLE school into the hall was pretty mad too. But we did it. (:

Adventure to Jalan Kayu after that to get some of 'em good pratas was fun too. Jalan Kayu's happening! Met Dirah's parents there! As well as Xianliang and his clan who came soon after! Coolness.

Going out and uh, "fostering closer bonds" with fellow council members have been lovely. If anything, I personally think that Saturday's Captain's Ball session was actually pretty darn necessary! I mean, hey, it's not easy these days to find time to do "lame", "unimportant" things like bonding when your Promos are right around the corner! (Such pleasing lines for the authoraties reading this, aye?)

Rush Hour 3 with Jaymond, Timteh and Elisha was nice too. Thanks for the treat you Piano/Sing-a-long buddy! (:

Furniture shopping with the above mentioned people plus Lijie, Andy and Lydia was fun too! Man, that was such a hectic day which got me running around all over the place!

A run through :

To school real early like by 7 and Father was kind enough to give me a lift. Ily Papa! Captain's Ball till noonish? It was good fun. Sweating it out and all. Then I've to rush and cab down to Aqidah's for PW. Which was so incredibly fruitful.

(If you didnt get that sarcasm, you really should try attending some classes to speed up the uh, thinking process. :D)

But still. Because I love my PW members, it was worth it. Aqidah you're a real peach! She's too cute sometimes lah. And Claudia! (: That silly ho was busy taking videos without us realising! And they were incredibly funny ones too. And wow, Claudia, myself and Lionel all left something behind at her place. :/

So then after that, I've to rush down to Marine Parade Library for tuition. I took a cab halfway totally panicking cos I had a bad experience with Mr High and Mighty I'm-A-Banker tutor last week. :/ Like, hello. I was only 5 minutes late and he seriously gave me a earful. Gosh, he was TWENTY minutes late on Saturday hokay. AND I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING.

But if it's any consolation, he's really good, I get him, cos he explains stuff well. The first lesson itself, when I found out he was a banker, I asked him point blank why he even bothers tutoring. I mean hello, the dude has a car and everything. A 9-5 job which pays well too. He likes Econs and Math a lot so yeahhh. Easy money anyway. My mum's considering a major cut down of MY ALLOWANCE. The horror.

Met Jason in the library itself. See, was panicking like a crazy cow cos there were NO SEATS in the friggin cafe and my mind was wheeling forward at this psychotic pace and still, hadnt a clue where to go should there really be no seats! I mean, third floor's confirm packed. The library's getting too hot for the masses.

Speaking of libraries, Marine Parade's too cool. Not only have I bumped into Jason, I've bumped into Nariah, Liyana, Joyce (waiting for Marian who was 2 and a half hours late!), Maziah and Mudd's pal Joanne! That, everyone, is way too happening.

So then, after Tutor left headed over (yes, still in my Orientation t and shorts since morning!) to Ikea to meet the rest.

I like being pushed around on the trolley! And I felt like buying the whole store man. Everything was so cheap and nice, and it doesnt look cheap which makes me want to buy them all, which kils the idea of "saving cost" in the first place! Manipulative, I say.

After a good sit down, and a debate over whether the full length mirror's needed, as well as a whole entire discussion about the difference/definitions/angles/opinions regarding Want and Need, (hurhur, Elisha and I VS Timteh + spectators, LOL) we finally decided what to buy and what not to. *wipes sweat. Decision making ain't ever easy, yeah? I hear a chorous of "yes" so that's comforting. (:

Ate and happily refilled the drinks as and when we pleased after getting the roughly 150 dollars worth of purchase. Shopping, we did. Can't wait for the council room to be revamped!

Okay. That was All Over the Place Saturday.

Today. (: Mudd's second band performance in two weeks. The first one being the one at NY's Film Festival where his friend's, Taufiq's, short film was unexpectedly a big hit! Great suspense man.

Unfortunately, the sound system SUCKED MISERABLY so the performance didnt go as well as expected. ): But still, screamed, I did! Grabbing unecessary attention, perhaps. But come on man. Moral support's the main objective! HEH.

Only the miserable lot of us supporting them! Najib, Zhi Jun, Matthew, Anthony, Mudd's sister, her boyfriend and myself. Terrible lah. Even like Taufiq, his schoolmates didnt cheer! :/

So anyway, today, bus-ed down to town with Najib. Freakin hell. I could've just taken 36 but the bugger made me walk all the way to Katong in my heels just to take 14 with him! And he didnt comment whatsover on my outfit when I was actually sort of fishing for one. Maybe it was too subtle. LOL. But Mudd did, so yay. Hello, I was using an 80s looking Guy Larouche purse okay! Mother's but still! With awesome heels! :D

Okay sorry. Back to the (intended) focus - Mudd. Jib and I entered when the band already started their first song. But still. Oh, they were great. Too bad there was way too little people in the crowd! But really awesome. (: Mentioned this before, overmentioning even, but hey, I'm proud of you Muddos! REALLY!

The whole band was clearly enjoying themselves when they were playing Starlight! LOL. Too cute please, their body language! (:

Oh and his dad dropped by! But uh, a couple of minutes late? But still. Bet that meant a lot, right Mud? (:

***

Baybeats! Only went for one night, and not even for that long a time. And it's scary that it's already Baybeats 2007. Two years back, anyone? We were all wearing black, for some reason and we went there after some Suntec fundraising thins thing for MLDDS.

06 was the celebration of Irah's 16, the surprise at Swensen's where we got her to do this dare and SOMEBODY gladly "fell for it" knowing what "it" went through! You're not supposed to get that, btw. 06 was where we mainly just sat by the rocks and camwhored, Lyon and Sathish, assigned photographers for the night.

Anyways, that Saturday (last) I was supposed to go on down to see the Dance competition thingy at DXO but uh. I was kinda late, till the thing ended already? LOL. But yeah. So just met up with J and Irah.

Bumped into a heck lot of people! Let's see. PLENTY of Cedarians. A bunch of juniors, including a shy Haryani lol, Diana (with the infamous boyfriend, I finally got to see!), Gordon, Khalid.. Hm. I remember seeing more people. But pardon the blogger. It's been a week! Hahah.

Somehow, I had an inkling that Fairuz, Diana and Clara would be there. Just this sense. And man, was I right! Really close at least! Chan was having dinner with Yingwai, Natasha, Sheena etc at the No Signboard Seafood Restaurant at Esplanade, Lock was at Lau Pa Sat and Cockroach was at the STEPS of Marina Square when I called! Cool or what. Bumped into her later at Starbucks anyways with Xin Ru and Grace. Oh yeah. Also saw this whole CLAN of J2 guys from SR at Marina.

Guys, (OG1 not the J2s you twat) we gotta meet for more than 30 seconds next time. (:

The 3 of us watched that dude perform and he was really awesome. Forgot his name. What is it again, Mariam? Well I loved his set. Like a good mix of John Mayer, Jason Mraz and Jack Johnson. The kind of chillout songs. Okay, maybe that was a bit of an overpraise? But nvm. He was good. I liked his songs.

After that was a good Raimah's session with Mariam. Was supposed to be Siglap but we were too lazy when we met at Kembangan. Just felt like I needed a girl talk, seriously out of nowhere. Recall the other time at BK Tamp? (:

So after chatting for god knows how long, along comes Najib riding his bicycle at about 1AM! HAHAH! Talk about coincidence. He was (jokingly) offended that we didnt ask him along, lol.

Okay, now about such bumping incidents. This other time, I was at Parkway to get some stuff that night, after school, and then after walking down the steps to the basement, I got a call form Najib telling me to "watch where I walk" cos he was right up there at Starbucks with Mariam and their friend Ameer. HAHAH. Too cool, I likezxzxzx. Marine Parade's awesome. Loving the cabbing to school with Cheryllek too!

Another thing to love? Hi, the beach is five minutes away, may I remind you. This morning kicked ass. I'm gna get healthier. Watch me.

ANYWAY. Back to that girl talk. Long overdue, I say. (:

This is utterly long, and a downright compilation of everything and anything. So let's continue piling now, shall we?

Oh yeah. We had the Council Dinner over at Shereen's place. That was rather nice too. (: Pictures, where are they! I've only a couple!

TUESDAY! SR's version of Be Yourself Day.

Literally dressing to kill! See, our theme was Mafias. So the A1 Mafias strutted about school decked in the best clothes, ready for murder with the guns and everything. :D My guns actually. Or rather my dad's.

Tabby and I made such a wise decision going to school together. Her mum picked me up at the St Pats bus stop, so I got to see Alvin and Scott for all of 30 seconds too. That morning was honestly quite crazy.

A1 was really looking hot. :D

(click on my Friendster profile to your right for some of the pics)

I've tons more of pics to complement this entry but heck it. Another time okay? Like maybe I'll edit this post tmr or something. Depends heavily on my mood. (: Till then, I've got some work to do before I actually hit the bed. Sigh.

I'm hoping. Still hoping.. Leaving room for disappointment, I'm sure. Sigh.

In perspective

Things haven't been the same since the last time I blogged. Dramatic? Possibly. Exagerrating? Unlikely. But ah, such is life right now. At this breaknecking pace and all those unexpected sharp turns and pleasant little surprises and lovely quality time with people I love..

I miss Tampines. But I guess this will have to do too. It ain't that bad after all. (: I honestly thought things would come to an abrupt halt. Gone. Pulsating, well true. I was indeed highly anticipating it all, but I suppose I've always had that sneaky feeling that it'll smack me right back on my face. That no matter how hard I try to keep things sunny bright, the harsh bleak thunderstorm of a reality pushes back against all I've painstakingly built. Mercilessly.

The Wise says "truth hurts". The Naive says "the cup's half full". The Runaway says "I don't care".

I've decided to not let things slide down my back anymore. Not that I ever really had, actually. I need anxiety pills, remember Tabs? But this time, no more. "Ignorance" will disappear from my vocabulary as of today.

Yeah, by now you'd have probably already gathered that this is yet another one of those entries meant only for me, but the insane need to share is too overpowering.

It's interesting. How people want the world to know them and yet not know them at the same time. Frankly, it's a Big Puzzle. Then again, most things are.

I think, that I need to find the time to squeeze in some reading. It's ridiculous. I can't rememeber the last time I read a book!

Effort is so so crucial. I need the drive. I need need need it. But that's not my problem, drive. I know what I want. It's just the long process and requirements that's driving me up the friggin wall.

But I've got some inspiration. After a recent discovery, conveniently by accident too! And just for the books, no, it's DEFINITELY not thanks to the "motivational" speaker just now. AKLTG owns that, a million to one. They should have hired you Gary! (:

Let's talk about lovely mundane stuff, shall we? Butterflies of Hope, Legacies of Love Fundraising initiative by Council! Wow. Can I just say that I'm pleasantly surprised by the response? First day was a sure success, now to press on and hit (then exceed) our target!

This would not have worked out if not for my lovely committee! PoweR. Get it? PR? Hahah! Ily guys!

Alright, better take off now. Only managed to come online cos

a) the internet and cable's FINALLY fixed! WOOHOO! and
b) for the first time in a long time, I actually managed to step into the house before dark! A feat!

It has been long

One of the earlier collages, messy and well. Messy. Heh. That one time to Wild Wild Wet with the From All Ages Gang. LOL.

Met up with Lee Yunqi Clara sometime ago, on a WEEKDAY because it simply cannot be helped! I was really busy and by the coming weekend, she'd have left for Australia already! Stinky you! Leave me behind once more. December's sooooo far away! Plenty love goes out to you hokay! *WET WET SLOPPY KISS



Discovered how to make collages and I basically went crazy those couple of days. It's amazing. And real quick too! :D Contrary to popular belief, it doesnt take an IT genius to be able to do this kinda thing.

(read: popular belief=Huda's belief)

A lot has been going on. Been busy or preoccupied perhaps with a couple of things I don't exactly wish to disclose. *sniggers* I can't emphasize enough on the term "a lot". Let's play this game. See who can guess how messy this post is gna be due to the incredibly lack of it these days!

List of events that I can remember right this moment goes like this (in no particular order), there was Irah's 17th dinner, the watching of King Lear with Tabs, Woanny's 17th dinner just this past Friday and gosh. That's about all I can remember. I've a lot of things in mind, so once more, pardon my incoherence.

While I try to gather my thoughts, a couple of pics for you to feast on. Yes, I do agree. I'm incredibly narcissistic generous.








HAHAHAHAHAHA! Our reenactment was great or what!


Stole this from Dirah's Friendster account. :D IMY CEDAR. ): Gotta go back sometime soon before it's demolished! *GASPS, I know. How can they demolish that lovely gorgeous building?!

Also caught Harry Potter that very Thursday itself. Such is the case if you've a die hard fan as your good pal. *glares at Najib. Eh, you read the book already? HAHAH. He kept on insisting that Hedwig would drop the latest book at his place! (Yes, he really had it delivered. I think.)

School has been. Well school, really. 20th got invested last Wednesday. (: Thanks ah Tabby for ditching me that day!

Also, I'm gonna be an official Marine Parader tonight. Meaning an ex Tampines person. SIGH. Goodbye 81/72 and all the people I usually take 81/72 with. ):

New beginning, in so many ways! It's overwhelming, really. There's so many implications, I dont even know where to begin to sort things out in my head! *"Spinning around" by Kylie Minouge plays in the background*

While packing just now, (yes, my family leaves everything to the very last minute; runs in the blood apparently) I found a lot of things. Typically. Such a cliche situation, but oh well. I found my diaries! From SEVEN years ago! Good god. I love reading back.

As abrupt as this may be, gotta run now. (: Till the next entry, then.

I hate you mids.

Fucketty fucketty fuck fuck. (Was that the right sequence Lyon? LOL) I think my phone's giving up on me! SHIT. Daddy's not gna like the sound of that.

Anyway, I think things have been going better than expected. (: This goes for a couple of stuff, so let's not all make an ass of u and me, now shall we? :D Man. Still can't believe I didn't know about that! ARGH. The look on Scott's and Tabby's face was so shit lah. :/

Let me relate this experience to you. I told my mum about it and she just shook her head, and went "Now, THAT, is an insecure girl".

See, I was in the bus, on the way home. I saw this hot guy entering the bus. Well naturally I looked at him, then what, grimace and look away while thinking "Man. Hot!"?!

He was really hot. Really. What I didnt realise was, (HEH, INSIGNIFICANT PERSON PLEASE!) he has a girlfriend! And! She was right behind him. Obviously she saw us make eye contact and wasn't happy about that.

I mean honestly! It's not like you can exchange phone numbers by looking "into each others' eyes"! Oh, wait till you hear what she did.

She glared, "jeling-ed", rolled her eyes at me, all at one go. Then pushed (like, "get out of my way, me first, I AM IMPORTANT" kinda push) him aside, so she could sit inside. And hello, he was already making way for her! Then she put his arms around her, yes SHE put HIS arms around herself, it probably looks cute when other girls do it but major EW when she did it). So she did that, turned around, looked directly in my eye and kissed him. Yes, she kissed him with her gaze fixed on mine.

Cool. So that's how the girls pee to mark their territory these days, eh? Wait wait. Isnt it supposed to be the other way around? Guys doing the marking?! Like fuck, hello. You already have him right. What more do you want?! A stamp that says "he's mine" on his forehead?! Might as well wear a huge ass signboard which says "Hi, I'm Insecure so please don't look at my boyfriend"!

The things people do sometimes. I mean, especially if you were aimed by Cupid (Cupid's terribly blind then), and got yourself a looker, then hey, expect what's expected, duh!

Well, to piss her off even more, before getting off, I looked at him, made eye contact and! I smiled! He smiled right back so there you go, bitch.

Come on. Don't tell me you thought I was just gna let the whole thing be, did you! It's too fun to let go!

And just a side note, he could have scored a better one. HAH.

Ok, exams update! GP was history (HAHAH) cos we sat for it eons ago, Monday was Econs and yes Fairuz, I kinda agree, Foreign Language (aka Malay) too.

Econs was better than expected though I was really really nervous about it! Malay was.. I'm hoping for a pass. Cos I kinda got everything mixed up. Like the peribahasas (which I only SAW the morning itself thanks to Tabs and Aqidah!)? And they are not easy, like cant guess from simply reading it kind. And the Imbuhan's just so. UGH. I hate Malay Grammar. It's not easy lah please!

Tuesday was nothing day! :D Weds was History which was whoa. Level of anxiety was the highest right before this paper. Went OK, I just hope I can get a decent grade. Friggin dates, I hate them. Like, I can get the stats right, I just can't nail them dates! Hello, 1946 and 1964? SAME DAMN THING PLEASE!

Today's paper was Literature. Paper 1 went better than Paper 2! Identity paper didnt go as well. ): Pilot G2s are the best for exams requiring essay writing. But damn it. BOTH of mine gave way! Like wtf!?

Tomorrow's the deadly H1 practically no one gives a shit about, cos it's! a! gonner! (no one being my class, or rather my closer friends in class, lol) Surprise surprise, it's Math! Even though it's LIKE Amath, but NOT EXACTLY, and I did take it for two shittified years (I'm sorry Mrs Chew, I still love you! Man, do you STILL read this!?) but I obtained a C5 for Os. So you see.

Gah, anyway, after that I'll be jumping for joy with some happyfying song playing in my head. That is, AFTER the MALAY ORAL I have to sit for. :/ What a spoiler.

Ily brother! (I can be as mushy as I like cos he doesn't read this. I think.)

Anyways, gosh, look what I found when I decided on a whim (and out of boredom too, not that there's nothing to do for H1 Math) to check out the Friendster bulletins!

Date: Wednesday, 27 June, 2007 5:10 PM

Subject: How to not be a jerk, for dummies

Message: You might agree with it, but
when it actually happens 96% of girls dont
realize it 'til it is too late and that
guy who did it is so frustrated that he
has moved on to someone who will take
notice.

From a guys point of view:

We don't care if you talk to other
guys.

We don't care if you're friends with
other guys.

But when you're sitting next to us, and
some random guy walks into the room and
you jump up and tackle him, without
even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.

It doesn't help if you sit there and
talk to him for ten minutes without
even acknowledging the fact that we're still
there.

We don't care if a guy calls you, but
at 2 in the morning we do get a little
concerned.

Nothing is that important at 2 a.m.
that it can't wait
till the morning.

Also, when we tell you you're pretty/
beautiful/ gorgeous/ cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it.

Don't tell us we're wrong.

We'll stop trying to convince you.

One the sexiest thing about a girl is
confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.

Don't be mad when we hold the door
open.
Take Advantage of the mood im in.

Let us pay for you! Dont "feel bad"
about it

We enjoy doing it. It's expected.

Smile and say "thank you."

Kiss us when no one's watching.

If you kiss us when you know somebody's
looking, we'll be more impressed.

You don't have to get dressed up for
us.

If we're going out with you in the
first place, you don't have to feel the need
to wear the shortest skirt you have or
put on every kind of makeup you own.

We like you for who you are and not
what you wear.

Honestly, i think a girl looks more
beautiful when she's just in her pj's.
or my tshirt and boxers, not all
dolled up

Don't take everything we say seriously.

Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the
beauty in it.

Don't get angry easily.

Stop using magazines/media as your
bible.

Don't talk about how hott Morris
Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney
is in front of us.

It's boring, and we don't care. You
have girlfriends for that.

Whatever happened to the word
"handsome"/"beautiful"

Girls, I cannot stress this enough:

If you aren't being treated right by a
guy, dont't wait for him to change. Ditch his
sorry, disgrace to the male population
ass and find someone who will treat you
with utter respect

Someone who will honor your morals.

Someone who will make you smile when
you're at your lowest.

Someone who will care for you even when
you make mistakes.

Someone who will love you, no matter
how bad you make them feel, or what you do.

Someone who will stop what theyre doing
just to look you in the eyes.... and say
"i love you" .. and actually mean it.

Give the nice guys a chance.

Guys repost this if you agree.

Girls repost this if you think it's
cute.

Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree
with this, so we hope that all the
girls that read this will repost this.

Tips for the less experienced:

*Holdin Hands
Girls :If you want to hold his hand,
gently bump into it a couple of
times.
Guys : Grab it if it happens more than
once.

*Cuddling
Girls : When you want to cuddle with
him, tell him you're cold
Guys : Automatically move closer to
her.

*Movies
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his
arm around you, tilt your head on his
shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.

*Loving each other

Guys : When she tells you she loves
you,
look deep into her eyes, give her a
peck
on the lips, and tell her you love her
too... And mean it.

*Laying below the stars

Girls : When you're both laying under
the stars, put your head on his chest
and close your eyes as you listen to
his
steady heart beat
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your
hands with hers.

By 12 am tonight your one true love
will
realize how much they want you.

repost as: guys point of view
p.s : if this thing dun work, man, we
can start shooting the 1st person

I felt like someone rinsed my heart and wringed it dry! I love things like this. You can just feel the sincerity oozing out of the screen!

Hey Stinky. Not that you are, cos Librans always smell good, I just felt like saying that. Anyway, not even sure if you're reading this, but heck. I hate you for not meeting up with me during the hols! You're missed idiot. ):

Also, hi BFFAE. I've not seen you in ages. You didn't just fall off the face of the Earth right. Did you!? ):